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If Microsoft began making cars...
- A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year-instead of before it.
- Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
- Occaionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.
- You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.
- Sun Motor Systems would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, and five times as fast - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
- The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
- People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.
- We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.
- The U.S. government would be getting subsidies from an auto maker instead of giving them.
- New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
- The air bag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
- The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you'd need to memorize the keyboard short-cut for "Brake".
- For some reason the engine controller would need a 1G hard disc and would take 5 minutes to boot up.
- They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with their engine supplier. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
- Your car would refuse to start with a message "Abort, Retry, Fail?"
- You would have to have a full service every 500 miles.
- The speed would read 70 even though you are only doing 50.
- They would make a flashy convertible model, where if you raised the top the engine would overheat.
- The entire engine wouldn't be in the bay at once, and the car would have to keep stopping and starting to load in the relevant parts.
- Everytime you carried a new passenger you would have to alter the car's configuration settings. When the passenger alights these configurations would remain in place.
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